The revs rise, the steering feels normalised, and the exhaust note stops sounding like a muffled heavy-breathing camel. All seems right. There are dual pipes, finished in carbon-fibre and sporting active valves, located dead centre and they look phenomenal. The car, in fact, looks phenomenal and like nothing else on the road. It’s not a bright yellow or red and it doesn’t have the optional Rs 19,000 stripes. It’s part of the package, undoubtedly. So are the 17-inch black alloy wheels with 205/45 rubber. The body work, with all its black finishing, looks unique. Then you have the red roof and mirror covers.
Alcantara adorns the interior in the darkest of greys, with the pulsating start switch and the chromed flick-switches adding a welcome and exciting contrast. There’s no sunroof — weight-saving is important — and one of the switches from the overhead setup also does the job of changing ambient lighting. Red, blue, more blue, some more blue, going on violet now, green, it’s all there; so long as you expect something from the limited RGB spectrum.
The sport seats aren’t the most comfortable. I’m sitting low, with a decent view outside. The rear seats — and there are two — can hold average-sized people with remarkably shrivelled lower limbs just fine. Adjust the front seats and there isn’t any rear knee-room at all. Perfect for some bags. Switch to Sport. A thrum from the exhaust confirms the change. We’re off! But, first, red ambient lighting to match the mood. Four presses are good.
Once I come to terms with the now firm steering feel, I realise it’s a pint-sized powerhouse. A claimed 6.5 seconds to 100 km/h seems good. I’m nowhere near 75 kg, and neither is my co-passenger. Besides, the engine isn’t running on fumes from the tank. This one registers 7.38 seconds. Not too bad. Getting down from 100 to zero meant banging on the brakes. While they aren’t mega in stopping-power delivery, they get you to a standstill quick. The JCW Pro also registers a single-figure fuel economy but that’s from the pushing. Another result is a juddering ride. Harder than a middle-school group-D algebra problem, it can get to you. It’s the sum of low-profile rubber, stiff springs, and sport seats. But that rorty sounding exhaust subtracts most negatives.
Then there’s the whole underground feel to it. The dark theme. The stripes. The neon-like LED ambient lighting inside. And the fact that it’s pretty much an accessorised hot-hatch with more attitude from a bespoke tune-up. Powering through parking lots below the surface. Playing hide-and-seek with pillars. Parallel drags in closed basements. Screaming off the line and laying down strips of black over otherwise unnoticed mediocre grey are what it’s about. Mental ages eight and above will be overjoyed. You pay for the kit. You get two helpings of thrill free. It works. It just works.
